My daughter came home yesterday carrying the pictured sheet of paper and a glass “rock.” Two interesting, yet unsurprising things followed:
- After reading the poem, all three of my sons immediately reacted with incredulity and indignation — “Who would teach this to kindergarteners?”
- My daughter became a bit confused about the rock. She agreed that it was a better idea to tell your worries to Jesus or to your parents, but thought the rock was cute and it might still be a good third-place backup.
Well, if I needed something to worry about, I would worry about the competence of the school psychologist.
Worry Rock Poem
Why carry a handkerchief? Reason No. 85: If you impale your thumb on a 2×4 and extract the sliver with a needle-nosed pliers, you can stanch the blood with your handkerchief.
We thought the pumpkin spice craze was picking up steam when we saw pumpkin spice Oreos. We thought the pumpkin spice locomotive was running away when we saw pumpkin spice M&Ms. We determined the pumpkin spice craze was off the rails and flying down the side of the mountain when our bank began to offer pumpkin spice loans.
Why carry a handkerchief? Reason No. 86: If you wipe the fingerprints from your sunglasses, you can see better.
Today, we observed the following sign. I do not think this is a true statement.
Why carry a handkerchief? #87: You can use it to wipe the smudges from your phone’s screen.
Why carry a handkerchief? Reason No. 88: If you are toilet papering someone’s house, you might need to muffle a cough.
Why carry a handkerchief? #89: Your son may forget his handkerchief.
I just met another one of us. He was walking with his wife and two sons, and I was with my son, walking into a restaurant. This guy and his family were behind me. When I noticed two ladies walking out of the restaurant, I ran to the double-doors and opened the one on the left while my son and I stood aside so they could walk through. To my dismay this man’s two sons cut off the ladies and walked through the open door as if I were holding it for them. After this, I beckoned to the ladies to please take advantage of the held door and continue to their parked car, but o the shame! They thought this guy’s sons were mine! They said, “No, you go, you have a large family!” My countenance fell as this guy followed his wife through the open door. Finally, I was able to convince these two ladies that I was holding the door for them.
A few weeks earlier, I was at a restaurant, and noticed a young couple walking in as I was walking out. This guy did not represent men well. He walked in behind the lady and allowed me to hold the door for her. He even thanked me for holding the door for him.
Since these situations were new to me, I did not know the proper way to handle them and took a pass rather than react poorly.
Men, there are a few lessons here for us:
- Let’s not be so passive that we allow other men to hold doors for us, our wives or our girlfriends. Our grandfathers would blush.
- If you know you need to hold the door for a lady — whether it is a car door, the door to the house, or the door to a restaurant — you need to get there first! Yes, it seems obvious, but it requires thinking ahead, especially since our ladies are not used to us doing this for them. We have to insist on it.
- We have to teach our sons that “ladies first” means we honour, respect, and serve them. It means we are thinking of others before ourselves. Dad’s, get after it!
Next time, I shall be prepared. Men, if you or your sons attempt to walk through a door I have held open for a lady, be prepared to be cut off whilst I insist that the ladies continue on their way. Men, if you are passive, and allow me to hold the door for your date, be prepared to be reminded that you should not be so passive that another man gets to hold the door for your date and furthermore, he was not holding it for you.
Why carry a handkerchief? #90: You can wipe away the haze on the inside of your airplane’s windscreen.