You know our mobile devices have become too mobile when we start using them whilst crapping.

Today, T.O. writes:

“Have you ever talked on your cellphone in the bathroom? I don’t think I have, but I know that I don’t turn it off when I go into the bathroom. It could easily ring, but mine never has. Last week I went in the bathroom the same time as this guy (at [local university]) who – while talking on the phone – took a leak, washed his hands, and left while carrying on a conversation. I thought that was weird – but not unheard of. But yesterday I saw someone who TOTALLY crossed the line. The office area at [place of business] has wireless access. He took his laptop (which was opened up and running) into the stall with him. Now that’s just not right.”

Amen brother. That brings back memories:

8/22/2002

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… So I was in the bathroom at a certain location a few days ago and somebody was sitting on the toilet and I heard his phone ring. No big deal right. So it rang a few times and I heard him pick it up. He was deciding whether or not to answer it. Then I heard, “Hello?”. He answered the phone while on the pot! OK, not the worst thing in the world, he just needed to talk softly and be cautious right? So he said a few sentences and then let a big one rip. Oops! Shouldn’t have answered the phone.1/10/2003

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… Today, for the second time in my life, I was pissing when a man in the stall — who shall remain nameless — answered his cell phone! What’s going on? …11/17/2005

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… “Thanks to the cellular telephone, your friends are now able to reach you wherever they happen to be. But thanks to the little button on your telephone, you can turn yours off and let it take their ‘Thinking of you, oops dropped my deposit slip’ messages.” – Miss Manners …

Today’s topic is “Words you thought were vulgar.”

For some time, I’ve been telling my sons that there are very few bad words but there are many ways to misuse them. I’ve found a few recently that have better possibilities than I thought.

1. Ass: Most of us are aware — and I have shared in the past — that this word means donkey but over time the r was dropped from “arse” etc. Well, as I said, I’ve been looking for a way to use the word and not only mean it as but have it understood as “donkey.” I have found the way. If one says “braying ass,” it cannot but be understood as “braying donkey.” So there you have it.

2. Rag: I don’t know if others fall into this camp, but for some reason, I thought that “ragging” someone was a classless reference to a feminine product — probably because of the vulgar idiom “on the rag.” In any case, it seems this is not true. In fact, “ragging” has been informal for “berating” or “teasing” for 200 years. An especially interesting and possibly earlier form of this word is “bullyrag.” I shall try to use it faithfully.

3. Sucks: When someone says “that sucks,” many of us think at least that the phrase comes from the vulgar slang definition of the word. After a little research however, it is this man’s opinion that “that sucks” is merely a contraction of “that sucks eggs” and/or “that sucks the hind teat” (also not vulgar). These are interesting phrases that I shall endevour to use faithfully and in their context, to more precisely make my point, to tastefully make my point.

Now on notice: “Commuting” and “Talking Points.”

Still on notice: “J. D. Edwards”

Only a few years behind my assertion that doughnuts are more deadly than cigarettes, New York City is thinking about banning the use of trans-fats by restaurants. As they say, “Doin’ good ain’t got no end!”

How about when people say “say hi to so and so for me,” or “give a hug to so and so for me.” It seems to me that in 80-90% of those cases, the “hi” or the hug doesn’t make it to the intended recipient. So really, we are sending a “hi” or hug via an unreliable medium, but we make ourselves feel good by ignoring the unreliability. I guess this is one of those systems that could be improved by measuring and analysing some statistics.